Why, Laura, Why?

The last time I had a blog, I was a self-absorbed high school freshman who used it to alternately vent my unjustified teen angst and brag about my “fabulous life.” Oh, my Xanga. I’m pretty sure you’re still out there, lost in the ether. I’m too horrified by the idea of reliving my literary past to find you, but I’m certain that if this new blog goes anywhere someone near and dear to me will uncover you and use you to ridicule me.

I wouldn’t blame them. Preserved forever on that live journal is myself at a moment in time when posting maddeningly ambiguous song lyrics was an acceptable way to express my emotions, and half priced appetizers at Applebee’s was considered both a recipe for a wild and crazy Saturday night and thoroughly engrossing subject matter for a blog. But as self-absorbed and pretentious as I was, there’s one thing I’ll say for past Laura: back in my blogging days, when I wasn’t at the ‘Bees or listening obsessively to Jimmy Eat World, I was a girl with a mission.

Back then, I was hell-bent on being an actress, and in addition to my mindless ponderings my old blog featured a detailed account of my pursuit. Towards that goal, I worked tirelessly everyday, taking classes, seeing theater, doing show after show. I eschewed illness and the need for sleep, always willing to squeeze in a new opportunity that would get me one step closer to my goal. When it came to my mission, a true labor of love, I was fearless and indomitable.

By Senior year I’d become too busy even for my beloved blog, and it was abandoned to the Un-Googled Wasteland. That year, I finally got accepted into NYU, the next step, I was certain, in my path to dramatic greatness. I moved to New York City this week three years ago, and brought with me that fearless, inexhaustible dedication. And somewhere between then and now that zeal, that devotion, that passion, died.

While I’ve never for a second regretted my decision to stop performing……Well, that’s not true; I regretted it for the exact length of the song “Lullaby of Broadway” during a performance of 42nd Street at Hofstra last weekend. I want to be a hoofer……Anyway, while I’ve almost never regretted my decision to stop acting, this past year I’ve begun to miss that tireless devotion I had as an actor. I’ve been working hard in school and interning, doing all the right things on my path towards becoming a producer, and filling my free time with friends, family, boyfriend and the distracting and magnificent city I live in. But while all this has certainly been fun and time consuming, it hasn’t been challenging and it hasn’t, really, been entirely satisfying. I haven’t had anything in my life that’s required the energy and commitment performing did. It’s been a year and a half since I stopped acting, and while I have lots of amazing times to show for it, I haven’t any real accomplishments.

So here’s where I (finally) get to the point. I realized that I’ve been feeling lost for months, bitching and moaning about my lack of mission, and waiting for some opportunity to flex my producing muscles to fall into my lap. Finally, last Monday night, my darling, inspiring and certainly not mission-less boyfriend stated the obvious: “You need to produce something. Yourself.” In other words, if you want something to do, get up off your ass and make something to do. And blog about it, so if you feel like getting lazy or giving up, you have tens of readers to answer too.

So here I go, with a new goal: to produce something, a play, a musical, a cabaret, a benefit, a burlesque show, a hip-hopera, anything, by May 1st, 2010, in New York City. I’ll document my progress (and probably whatever else is going on in my life, because I never really outgrew that love of talking about myself) on this blog. If you’ve made it to the end of this, you’re probably bored to death with no desire to keep reading. But please do. I am trying to make theater, and we all no how crazy, funny, frustrating and downright daring that endeavor can be. I’ll try my best to make my blog live up to the adventure I’ll be living.



Only 236 days until May 1st. Oh shit………